Sometimes it's best to wrap away your most special dream in your trusty old trunk and put a big padlock on it. And once you do that you get your first night of dreamless sleep in ages. Sleep still doesn't come easily, but when it does, you for the first time, do not see that familiar face that you did every single night, and what's even better is that you don't see the baby boy who pops in for a surprise visit every now and then. You do wonder however, the significance of the dreams that have been part of your nights for such a long time. Will they still come and haunt you? Blocking out thoughts has never been more difficult, but it is still achievable like everything else in the world. But will it be difficult at the other end also? For the sake of easing pain for others, one can only hope it is. But then a small part of this selfish heart also desires for a tiny shred of memory to remain in the other's heart.
What a crazy twisted thing this life is! And what surprises it bears! And the difference in desires. Some desire wealth, some desire fame; a few wish for nothing but love and yes I do mean JUST love! All the money and fame in the world cannot make them let go of this desire. And when they do get it, sometimes like a fool they don't know how to take care of it and let go; at other times they grasp it with both hands and cherish it forever. These fools usually always have one thing in common - they always want reciprocation. They want the same amount of love in return if not more. They want their own love to be acknowledged and cherished. They want to hear things and they feel the need to be held quietly with no words spoken sometimes. They need to be loved! And when they don't get that, they get shattered, in thousands of tiny pieces which cannot be put together. But the strong ones put up a brave front, gather the shards, put them all together, taking the sharpest one and piercing it through the heart to remember what they had done and what they had stepped on to eventually find happiness and go on with their lives; finding peace and happiness in the moments of companionship and pushing back tears when alone, for those tears were never meant to roll down the cheeks when one has passed on that heartache to someone else in order to buy happiness.
So here I am today, gently wrapping away all the dreams and desires that I had cherished for so long; the desire to dance in the rain, to be dragged out when it snows; the dream of Bosphorus together and that of the city with the smoke signals. I wrapped away my dream of finding a five leaved clover and wish for just one thing that I wanted more than anything else; I gave up my dream of walking hand in hand down the beach quietly. I released the fireflies, free to attain their dreams and not be part of mine. And yes, I wrapped away many dreams I never dared to share; the one where I'm taken to the winding streets of Cambridge and I gape at the the architectural marvels and someone mischievously leaves me there till I realize that I'm alone and am in tears till I see a familiar face at a distance with that beautiful smile and I run to be held in a warm embrace, never to let go. I gave up on the dream of visiting Toledo with someone equally mesmerised by things that intrigue me. I shed no tears while I put away all my dreams and desires in the dusty old trunk. I did so with a heavy heart, tight-lipped but without a single tear. I tore away a piece of my heart and put it with those dreams to keep them warm but I didn't shed a single tear. I tore a piece of another's heart and put it inside to keep my heart company, but I did not shed a single tear. I felt a strange numbness spreading all over and felt grateful for it and I remembered how I had been praying for the last few weeks that may God take me down the road that turns out to be the best for me and my children in the long run. No need to shed tears. I took the safer route. No need to shed tears! Tears are for weaklings! No need to shed tears when you are at peace most of the time and have love to find solace in. No need to shed tears because no one asked you to burn that trunk; it's safely tucked away. There was a bonfire though; to burn all the art to be enjoyed together and the books to be read together and moments that were spent together, but let's just make room in the trunk for all those too. I might not dare to open that trunk but the other might someday.
What a crazy twisted thing this life is! And what surprises it bears! And the difference in desires. Some desire wealth, some desire fame; a few wish for nothing but love and yes I do mean JUST love! All the money and fame in the world cannot make them let go of this desire. And when they do get it, sometimes like a fool they don't know how to take care of it and let go; at other times they grasp it with both hands and cherish it forever. These fools usually always have one thing in common - they always want reciprocation. They want the same amount of love in return if not more. They want their own love to be acknowledged and cherished. They want to hear things and they feel the need to be held quietly with no words spoken sometimes. They need to be loved! And when they don't get that, they get shattered, in thousands of tiny pieces which cannot be put together. But the strong ones put up a brave front, gather the shards, put them all together, taking the sharpest one and piercing it through the heart to remember what they had done and what they had stepped on to eventually find happiness and go on with their lives; finding peace and happiness in the moments of companionship and pushing back tears when alone, for those tears were never meant to roll down the cheeks when one has passed on that heartache to someone else in order to buy happiness.
So here I am today, gently wrapping away all the dreams and desires that I had cherished for so long; the desire to dance in the rain, to be dragged out when it snows; the dream of Bosphorus together and that of the city with the smoke signals. I wrapped away my dream of finding a five leaved clover and wish for just one thing that I wanted more than anything else; I gave up my dream of walking hand in hand down the beach quietly. I released the fireflies, free to attain their dreams and not be part of mine. And yes, I wrapped away many dreams I never dared to share; the one where I'm taken to the winding streets of Cambridge and I gape at the the architectural marvels and someone mischievously leaves me there till I realize that I'm alone and am in tears till I see a familiar face at a distance with that beautiful smile and I run to be held in a warm embrace, never to let go. I gave up on the dream of visiting Toledo with someone equally mesmerised by things that intrigue me. I shed no tears while I put away all my dreams and desires in the dusty old trunk. I did so with a heavy heart, tight-lipped but without a single tear. I tore away a piece of my heart and put it with those dreams to keep them warm but I didn't shed a single tear. I tore a piece of another's heart and put it inside to keep my heart company, but I did not shed a single tear. I felt a strange numbness spreading all over and felt grateful for it and I remembered how I had been praying for the last few weeks that may God take me down the road that turns out to be the best for me and my children in the long run. No need to shed tears. I took the safer route. No need to shed tears! Tears are for weaklings! No need to shed tears when you are at peace most of the time and have love to find solace in. No need to shed tears because no one asked you to burn that trunk; it's safely tucked away. There was a bonfire though; to burn all the art to be enjoyed together and the books to be read together and moments that were spent together, but let's just make room in the trunk for all those too. I might not dare to open that trunk but the other might someday.
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