The silent night once again is host to demonic shadows lurking, drawing closer. Numbness, the silence of death prevails. Blurred visions of those who once were, but are now part of dust, prance around. Why come back to haunt if they once loved me? A little hard to decipher the significance of Nana's grey, lifeless eyes staring at me from under the veil of night. Even more the ghosts of the ones who were once part of my life. Sleep is rare, and when it does spread its kind, blissful wings, the calm is abruptly shattered by nightmares; nightmares laced with fears and demons. And then that familiar face again! What good is it now?
Our desires change so rapidly as the journey called life goes on. There might have been so many at one time but now there is just one. Time! All I want is time! Enough of it, just enough of it!
And then tomorrow! If I do wake up, another beautiful morning! What a blessing to be woken up by sunlight streaming through the white drapes. What a melodious sound the little birds outside make, like music to the ears. Out of every single minute that God grants us during the twenty four hours, mornings are the biggest miracle! To be able to wake up, knowing you will be greeted by the cherub-like faces of your children, to be able to enjoy the morning breeze, to know that it's the start of another day, what more can one possibly want? Time! Yes, more time! Muhlut!Some words are just more meaningful in Urdu. Yes that is what would be the real miracle. Exactly as much time as I want. Not more and definitely not less. There is so much to be done, some to take care of, so much to see.
I close my eyes and just three faces appear, the two children and he, who will be, or perhaps not. But there is a name to mark the yet-to-be existence. There will always be that name.
It's strange how quickly the Book of Life approaches its soon-to-be end. So many chapters, many never read carefully while it was still possible. And just a few chapters left. The desire to write what the children will one day read with love and immense pride is the drive. The desire to outlive the fears and demons right behind. And that to make a few lives just a little better, just a little if not more.
The end of another day with the prayer of being able to see another morning, and another and many more such mornings.....
