Of dreams and desires

I realized two days back that I have never seen fireworks; at least in real life. I now wonder what it must be like. The deafening sound and the sight; like hundreds of stars have shattered into thousands of tiny pieces. It is these small, probably insignificant experiences that I want now. Not to say that I have had any great, significant experiences in my life. Never climbed a mountain, NO Sir! Never went bungee jumping, are you kidding me? Never jumped off a plane for what they call sky diving though I did dream of it once and it was beautiful. Never went cruising or jet skiing or snorkeling. This makes me seem like such a sorry little creature doesn't it? But I'm not. I have an excuse for every single one of these. Bungee Jumping? Oh I have Vertigo. Sky Diving? I'm afraid of heights. Snorkeling? I won't be able to breathe, in my head at least. Jet Skiing? What if my hands get tired and I'm not able to hold the rope like thing, whatever it is. Cruising? Umm, sea-sickness! Mountains? I'm no climber! See! It's an endless list of excuses and I'm very good at cooking up some.
I have been for para gliding once and went on a banana boat ride which in my world, was heroic. But that is the extent of my adventures and I did pat myself on my back after I accomplished these arduous tasks. Oh and I have also killed a teeny tiny baby gecko once with a wiper and then screamed my lungs out even though it should have been the gecko screaming. I have also had the not so delightful experience of riding a camel and well, umm I recited the first kalma loud and clear for all the onlookers or bystanders, whatever you want to call them, throughout the ride. What!!! I told you I was afraid of heights and in my defense, I was very young and the camel has a very unpleasant manner of attempting to stand and to sit for that matter.
Anyways, back to the experiences that I WANT to have. I want to be able to dance in the rain again, to explore the ruins of the Ottoman Empire, to join the large crowds on foot at one of the most important cities of the world that just one person was able to guess, to feel the adrenaline rush when I finally witness a heritage building being restored to its former glory, to be able to go on a very long drive with someone I can talk to without uttering a single word. I want to be able to finish reading all the books on my very long bucket list; I want to stay up all night gazing at the night sky lit up with the twinkle of the stars. I want to walk down the beach for hours, quietly, and to sit under the shade of a tree and read in peace. I want to travel the world and see it as I have imagined it to be and to admire the architecture of the eras long gone. I want to run like a little girl trying to catch butterflies and feel the tiny fire flies enclosed in my hand. I want to see the rainbow and walk through the clouds. I want to sing the whole day while sitting by the lake in Skurdu as I did two years back. I want to lose myself in colours and music and love. I want to write up a storm and leave lots of stories behind. And yes, I want to die knowing that I have done all of these insignificant little things in life because I wanted to. For I want to live my life!