The woods are lovely, dark, and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.
- Robert Frost
I strive to lead a simple life. Could it be time that has transformed me? Fewer belongings, simpler meals and small joys. Yet these are the parts of my life that I can control. What about the endless twists and turns, intricacies, complexities? And the hurdles and disappointments?
It is a long journey, this life. And it is without a doubt ruthless and merciless. I take the time out to smell the flowers, hear the birds chirping, form different shapes of the clouds in my head when I gaze at the sky. I find the time for a few quiet moments every day, and to play with dust motes that seem to continue their steady pace in the light streaming through the window. I manage to pen my thoughts sometimes, but so many more create a havoc in my mind, unable to find an outlet. And they are growing in numbers, multiplying at an unimaginable rate, so many words just trapped inside. So much that the poor heart has endured and continues to quietly absorb. So many dark thoughts, whirling, twirling, so mystical like the derwaishes. A constant tussle between happiness and dissatisfaction. Betrayals, disappointments, shortcomings, now transformed into demons, their giant clutches reaching for me, their snarling faces keeping me awake night after night.
The stubborn streak in me forces me to move forward relentlessly, keeping a brave front; but the tentacles of fate continue to try and slow me down. I paint on a mask, an eerie picture of a smile, and must keep this facade. I want to stop, take a breather, and feel the blissful brush of love and endless moments of happiness. I sometimes find it in unexpected places, tempted to stop for a while, bask in it; but the obligations keep me from doing so. The promises that I made, I must keep them. I must wait for the few moments of joy that might or might not come my way. I must wait. I wish I could have them right now, just the ones I truly want, without any conditions. As much as I feel tired and wish for the end, the fear that the wish might actually come true anytime soon and the end is near, remains. I feel the need to slow down and rest....
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.
