The Discovery

I remember one particular evening that I spent in Skurdu last year. We were all sitting by the lake, my old friends and some new ones I had made; and we were doing the usual; chatting, singing, laughing..Actually they were doing the usual; I was doing what I had been doing for the last three days; sitting quietly staring at the lake, the grey skies, the majestic mountains and my old friend, the moon. We all are very fond of singing and sang nonstop throughout the trip. It was unbelievable the number of times I was asked to sing during that week. I was running out of songs by the end of the third evening. Ghalib had been done to death, old songs by Lata, Kishore, Mukesh, Rafi, Haimant Kumar, you name it. My very close friend Hal would keep asking for this one song every two hours and everytime she felt I was making excuses to get out of it, she would say 'wo sunao, wo dil se qareeb, dil ko choo lenay wala'; I had to give in every time. What a drama queen and how I miss her. We were all there for different reasons; some for the thrill of it, some for a holiday but one, to clear her head, to get away from it all. Wasn't very successful at doing so though... We drove from Islamabad all the way to 'Challas' where it was unbelievably hot; stayed the night there and went off the next morning to Skurdu; crossing 'Babusar' on our way which was no mean feat. Skurdu was every bit as beautiful as promised by my friends and the few days that I stayed there, I did have some very peaceful moments too. But the beauty and serenity brought a certain sadness with it or was it just me? It was there that I realized that I have reached a stage in my life where I only want to do things that mean something to me. I only want to spend time with those who really matter to me; I only want to read things that I'm truly interested in, I will only paint when I really feel like... Photographs have to speak to me, music has to tug the strings of my heart, silence has to be more meaningful than words. It was there that I truly discovered the need to try to find myself, not caring about how the world judges me. It was there that I discovered what serenity really is; how soothing it is when you are surrounded by silence. It was there that I woke up from my deep slumber, looked around and found everything so refreshingly beautiful; the lake, the mountains, the apple trees, the lively chatter of my dear friends.. Skurdu..the place I long to return to with a dear one, just taking a stroll along the lake, with unsaid words filling the silence..Skurdu, where the desire to be myself became stronger.. Skurdu, so beautiful, still waiting with open arms, welcoming anyone who needs solace... Skurdu...

The Captivating Silence

I sit under the open sky, with cool breeze playfully brushing past me. I hear people talking around me, sitting in small groups, enjoying their lattes and cappuccinos; yet all I can hear is silence. Yes, you can HEAR silence! Sometimes it can be deafening, sometimes mind-numbing and sometimes so melodious, like a sweet lullaby. Tonight is one of those nights when silence is simply beautiful and mesmerizing. It's 1:00 am and I'm at my favourite haunt, sitting outside with my usual glass of Sunrise. It's amazing what a difference a pod of vanilla can make, once combined with zesty orange. For the past couple of hours, people have been coming and going; but I have made no attempt or shown no desire to move from my usual spot outside the cafe. As I sit here with my trusty Ipad, I get a whiff of delicious cocoa every time the glass door slides open. It's incredible how much there is to see just on this stretch of the road, yet I only see what I want to see. I see the beautiful, lush green trees, holding their heads high up in the air; I see the numerous lamp posts dotted every few meters, their lights twinkling like dozens of stars descended on earth; and I see the night skies, so similar to what I see back home yet so unfamiliar. The Rest; the people, the tall buildings, the hustle and bustle of Orchard Road, are all just a blur. Sometimes just a beautiful memory, perhaps that of your father holding your tiny hand when you were a little girl, or your brother singing with you; a dear cousin confiding in you or your son's tiny little button-nose, gives you such pleasure. Sometimes, the thought of someone going through the trouble of finding the perfect present for you, just to see the ecstatic look on your face; or a close friend's emotional support when you need it the most; makes you feel so loved. Tonight, I feel engulfed in warm pleasure, thinking of all those beautiful memories. Tonight, the silence is singing a captivating song; one that will continue ringing in my ears for several days. Tonight, I'm transported to another world; one with hope, promise and peace. I heave a sigh and take everything in, making a promise.. To return one day, but only when I feel that I will be able to find beauty and peace every single night here, as I have tonight...

Silent Chatter

Mannequins draped elegantly in red silk in the display case of the shopping arcade of a hotel right across the road; Starbucks coffee, infact two of them, bang opposite each other; a bustling street lined with palm trees; a somewhat creepy-looking sculpture erected on the side of the road; a glass of peach iced tea waiting for the past hour for the first sip to be taken; and my quiet existence. It's amazing how much we talk all our lives, pretending to also be listening to others, yet deep down just waiting for them to go quiet so that we can speak again. It's amazing how if we do try and stay quiet and try to listen to others as well as our own thoughts, we are labelled a certain way, and if heaven forbid we try to explain why we are quiet, we are 'looked down upon' as philosophers. But you eventually reach a stage in your life where you stop caring. You talk when you feel like; you sing and dance if you wish to; you talk to those who truly understand you and for others you just maintain a polite smile. You let your iced tea go warm, with tiny droplets appearing on the outside of the glass; you let the gentle breeze play with your hair, not caring what it does to your blowdry; you let the feelings of calm or sadness or pleasure or love (whatever it might be at that particular moment) sink in; and you just live in the moment; absorbing everything around you slowly, steadily.. I sit here outside CBTL at 12:00 am, my feet propped up on the chair in front of me, leaning back against my chair; humming Aux Champs Elysees; living my life as I want it at this particular moment; something I might not be able to do once I return to my usual responsibilities, obligations and duties. But right now, I'm doing exactly what I want to be doing..staying lost in my thoughts, taking in the city around me; thinking of beautiful words and moments to be cherished; thinking of good times with friends; delving into delicious memories and dreaming of worlds that will be... C'est la vie!

Songs of the Sea

It's a coincidence that I'm blogging once again at 1:00 am here in Singapore. There is no particular reason for that, except that I like to hang out at CBTL till the wee hours after a 'hard day at work' (yes, holidays sometimes can be hard work, with a teenaged daughter, a ten year old extremely indecisive son, not to mention the husband). This is my time, where I can sit down in peace with my glass of 'Sunrise', with its burst of orange and pinch of vanilla, listening to Joe Dassin's Aux Champs Elysees, that plays repeatedly here every single night. Tonight is no different, except that I decided to have a salad this late, for the simple fact that I had not eaten for hours. The salad looks and tastes divine with crisp lettuce, cherry tomatoes and cranberries. I finally had my fill of local food today with the traditional Chicken Rice that comes with broth and yummy chilli sauce and mee goreng that I simply love, both of which I had been introduced to by my friend Saira in Kuala Lumpur a couple of years back. Through the glass door I see the usual Singapore night. With people sitting outside Starbucks adjacent to CBTL and throngs of passers-by still out at this hour. A day at the beach and I finally brightened up, despite the fact that Palawan Beach was a big disappointment. I came here a couple of years back and it was much cleaner. Still, I like being in water, all by myself, feeling the sand swiftly slipping from underneath as waves come and go. The feel of deliciously warm water around me, the gentle breeze, the comforting heat of the sun, the sound of waves lashing; everything makes me sink deeper in my thoughts where nothing else exists. I started writing today's post thinking I would write a little about the beautiful and mesmerizing show called 'Songs of the Sea' with live cast, lasers, flame bursts, water jets and captivating music; but I ended up writing about the real songs of the sea; ones that you can only hear if you block out all other sounds once there. The ones that I heard today, that transport you to another world; beautiful, melancholic yet giving you hope at the same time. Songs of the Sea..ones I would always want to hear...

The Lost Soul in Singapore

It's almost 1:00 pm in Singapore. One would have expected someone like me to be out for retail therapy. As disappointing as it may sound to my close friends, I have been sitting at Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf (my favourite haunt) since morning, with a half-finished glass of Iced Tea. It's my third day here and it surprises me how homesick I am. From the moment I set foot out of the door to leave for the airport; I have been missing my beautiful city Karachi more than ever. It's my second time in Singapore nad I remember being homesick the first time as well. Now as I sit here trying to force down the Iced Tea for breakfast which has lasted me till lunch time; I feel a wave of melancholy sweep over me. The memory of my city..sigh..with its smoke and dust filled streets, the aroma of delicious local food; the haleem, tikkas, halwa puri, biryani. It's surprising how much I miss these scrumptious dishes even though I never have them back home. I sit here staring outside, watching the passers-by on Orchard Road; with the rest of the family gone for a day of fun; I chose to make use of the wifi at CBTL which is close to my hotel. This is the real me..blocking out the sound around me, making myself believe that there is no one else around me except my solitude. I can do that. I can stay lost in my thoughts in a room full of people. I kept thinking what it is about Singapore that brings out this person in me more than any other place. All I can think of is the lack of character here. That's just my opinion, no one has to agree. I might not dress conservatively or live in a traditional house; but the real me is all about old world charm. I love what Karachi has to offer; a fusion. I like to be somewhere that has the best of both worlds; places with rich history, culture; places that are not just about skyscrapers and retail therapy. I want to go to places that have ruins from the past civilizations, beautiful cathedrals, mosques, grand old structures; places that make me wonder, think.. Places that transport me to another era; with old bridges and charming little areas to explore. I feel that I need to be able to relate to certain things wherever I go; here I can't seem to be able to relate to anything. That's just my perception; but it still amazes me as I'm known to be an adaptable person; yet I can't seem to be able to stop missing my beautiful Karachi when I'm here.. Not much to say here except that I hope I change my expression which these people have been witnessing since I arrived here, from dazed and lost to a more interested and attentive one...