When whispers are unheard...

Words seem so hollow, gestures futile...
Time flies by with no regard for what I might be losing on the way. It wouldn't slow down, wouldn't let me take a breather.
The once familiar faces are somewhat blurred now; the gentle voices fading away. Those who wanted to be part of the days to come, have been ripped away by the merciless hands of ego and foolishness; yet have somehow managed to remain in memories. And the shadows of the ones who were never there haunt me at night and will continue to do so.
Life is playing its crazy, mindless games, showing an occasional ray of light and snatching it away before one can blink. The sweet murmurs that once were, sound like howls of infuriated wind blowing angrily at night. Tenderness in eyes has now been replaced with two gold flecks of hatred cloaked by indifference. It's almost as if they were always strangers; never together.
What does one really want? Is it different for everyone, or is there a similar need inherent inside each one of us? How can we tell when there's a perfect match? How can we tell when we are chasing fast disappearing shadows? Are they ever meant to slow down for us or will they continue their pace? And what about the ones we have left behind? What if there was no justification for that?
Life has become a huge box that is full to its brim with questions. I wonder what all will be lost on the way while I seek the answers to those...

A Forlorn Existence

Saturday, January 19! A day that reminded me of potpourri. A potpourri of emotions; one that brings with itself a strange blend of highs and lows. An early start with a feeling of chirpiness, positivity and eagerness; mid morning laced with anticipation; an afternoon entwined with a sense of hopelessness and rejection and the evening...
Yes it was the evening that brought with it what scared me the most.. loneliness! A deep sense of forlorn existence.
Work was not as fun as it usually is. Of course the fact that I started much earlier than usual and finished most of it by mid noon also had something to do with it. Taking half the day off seemed like the best thing to do at that moment. A plan to go to the movies with friends at work didn't materialize so I went off for the next best thing; an hour at the bookstore. But while roaming around the mall after I was done with my humble shopping of two paperbacks, I experienced this feeling of being all alone in the mall, wandering around, not being able to absorb anything around me, the world in my imagination taking over the reality, blurring everything around me. Where had all the people disappeared? It's a Saturday for heaven's sake! The mall is supposed to be crowded. But all I could see was haze; whirling around me, trying to swallow me. I needed to see a familiar face.. I needed to feel the comfort of being watched over. I needed certainty.
I realized that I had consciously chosen this path for with it comes hope. It leads to the world of happiness, sunny days and laughter. It brings with it serenity and peace. It's just the road leading to it that is long, dusty and lonely. The destination may be very far but with patience and conviction, I can reach it, and I WILL! And once I'm there, there will be raindrops and rainbows, all waiting for me with open, welcoming arms and ready to magically erase the forlorn existence.