Blocking out sounds, voices and visions; snubbing feelings, desires, fears and inhibitions. Is this truly what makes one strong? But what do you do when everyone expects you to be strong to the extent of almost being heartless? What do you do when you are not allowed to break down or burn out? What do you do when it is you who just would not allow yourself to give in or give up? These are questions that have remained unanswered for a long time; or have I blocked the answers out too?
Life brings with it so many 'ifs' and 'buts' and 'don'ts', making the journey even more precarious than it is supposed to be. It was never supposed to be so difficult. It was never intended so. And if we take a moment out to look around, not necessarily at those less blessed than us as is the saying, "when you begin to feel ungrateful, think of those less fortunate than yourself"; but just at the little joys of life that WE are blessed with, the hurtful questions start to fizzle out.
C'est la vie! That's Life! Or did I start writing this blog because I wanted to say 'That's life for ME'? Good or bad, joyous or depressing, difficult or blissful; yes, that's life for me.
214 words, and I feel better already. What makes me feel blessed you ask? For starters, just the fact that I am alive (and kicking) is more than enough for me. I am able to wake up each morning to witness the sunrise, and to feel the warmth of a cuddle and a cherubic smile of my son, to start my day with the melodious voice of a girl who was almost like a blob at birth. I wake up to the loud chirping of the parakeets in the house and the cooing of the cuckoo outside. The cool breeze every morning that caresses my skin, the pleasure I get out of making breakfast in a clean, gleaming kitchen, often half an hour of quiet time before the morning rush begins, the soothing silence, the day ahead, the unsaid words, the drive, the determination; what more can one want out of a day? And then friends, my absolutely wonderful friends! The early morning message from one of my best friends everyday, the strong support of my other best friend and her faith in me that I will not let anything hamper my journey, the blind faith that my closest friend and colleague has in me and his belief that nothing can dampen my spirits for long, the fact that I have so many best friends, not close friends but BEST friends, as childish as it may sound.
My mind that was in whirlwind, is still a little blurry, but it is at peace. My life may not be perfect but I have plenty of perfect moments. I might not be able to tackle all the problems in the best possible manner but I have His support and I will always have it no matter what. I don't really remember what my dreams were like but I do know that what I am trying to achieve will fulfill dreams of many others. Right at this moment I feel I have everything - my children, my family, my friends, and a clear path. And I have God!
