Friday 5 August 2016

Demons in Words

I feel like I'm playing a role in a horror movie, or rather, I'm stuck in one. Wherever I look there are words everywhere - hollow, stark, staring at me with a demonic glare. Everywhere I look, they are always there! My laptop, the phone, the book I was reading, documents strewn across my desk, every notebook I open, they seem to be all over. How did I produce so many? How do we all produce so many of them? All the messages we write, and countless emails, to-do lists, and contracts. I can feel them crawling towards me in eerie silence, with their creepy antennae feeling for my existence, to take over my being. I take a few steps back but they are surrounding me; I have nowhere to go. I'm their slave, begging for mercy, looking for a thin flimsy ray of light to hold onto. But there is none...

I look around desperately trying to find a fresh, blank canvas, to start over, start afresh, but I see words and letters, more of them, so many of them. If I don't speak much and crawl back into my shell like a hermit, will they let go? Will they step back or are they going to haunt me forever? Words I said and wrote, all the poems swaying like old trees on a windy night, all the pieces of writing calling out for me, to grapple me, trying to submerge in my mind once again. I don't have the capacity anymore! I'm maxed out! No more words for me. No more words of insanity or joy, peace or reality, logic or reason, love or hardships. Not one more word!

I embrace the suppressed desire to be surrounded by light, to be part of that blank canvas I so wish to see. Nothing but white, deathly, yet eternally peaceful....

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