Saturday, January 19! A day that reminded me of potpourri. A potpourri of emotions; one that brings with itself a strange blend of highs and lows. An early start with a feeling of chirpiness, positivity and eagerness; mid morning laced with anticipation; an afternoon entwined with a sense of hopelessness and rejection and the evening...
Yes it was the evening that brought with it what scared me the most.. loneliness! A deep sense of forlorn existence.
Work was not as fun as it usually is. Of course the fact that I started much earlier than usual and finished most of it by mid noon also had something to do with it. Taking half the day off seemed like the best thing to do at that moment. A plan to go to the movies with friends at work didn't materialize so I went off for the next best thing; an hour at the bookstore. But while roaming around the mall after I was done with my humble shopping of two paperbacks, I experienced this feeling of being all alone in the mall, wandering around, not being able to absorb anything around me, the world in my imagination taking over the reality, blurring everything around me. Where had all the people disappeared? It's a Saturday for heaven's sake! The mall is supposed to be crowded. But all I could see was haze; whirling around me, trying to swallow me. I needed to see a familiar face.. I needed to feel the comfort of being watched over. I needed certainty.
I realized that I had consciously chosen this path for with it comes hope. It leads to the world of happiness, sunny days and laughter. It brings with it serenity and peace. It's just the road leading to it that is long, dusty and lonely. The destination may be very far but with patience and conviction, I can reach it, and I WILL! And once I'm there, there will be raindrops and rainbows, all waiting for me with open, welcoming arms and ready to magically erase the forlorn existence.
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