Enough for a lifetime...

It's 6:30 on a Sunday morning. The first thought that crosses my mind takes me by surprise. I find it strange that I'm even thinking about it. Shaking my head I try to shrug it off. I toss and turn for a few minutes then just give up and get out of bed. Once I open all the doors to let the somewhat cool morning breeze in, I just stand there gazing outside, breathing in the silent beauty and serenity. The only sounds at this hour are the gentle rustling of the leaves, some sparrows chirping away and an occasional cuckoo chiming in.

My mind drifts back to the first thought I had when I woke up and from there it started getting a little more adventurous and took me back to what caused it in the first place. I try to expunge the warmth engulfing me, too afraid to open the closed doors. The corners of my mouth twitch, wanting desperately to curve into a smile, but I press my lips harder into a firm, straight line; refusing to give in. Dear Lord, not now! I must distract myself.. I realize I'm famished; skipped dinner last night. Without thinking I put gloriously juicy chunks of watermelon in the blender and whizz away. Out comes some refreshing, cool watermelon juice. This should do it..I think to myself..this should take my mind off everything.. and then it hits me! Watermelon juice? Seriously? What was I thinking? I groan, but take the glass to the living room and slowly down it trying to clear my head..Turns out I'm not succeeding..I take my glass and my thoughts outside and sit quietly on the swing trying to divert my attention to the orchids peering at me from one corner. I look at them adoringly, remembering how long it took to nurture them, deep down smiling triumphantly that I have managed to get that bizarre thought out of my head. Oh what was I thinking? I do have a pea-sized brain! I try to convince myself that it's just a fleeting thought; it will pass, or will it? It hasn't left me for the past twelve hours; what makes me think it will leave me now? Perhaps I should do what I did yesterday... after all I managed to do it yesterday, I can do it today also, and the day after and the one after that for as long as I can..But was I not thinking of it yesterday while I involved myself in work, read ferociously, went out for lunch and dinner, watched a movie; using my age-old method 'I'm so busy, I don't have time to think'..It doesn't help. It didn't help yesterday, it won't help today or in the days to come; so for once I let the egoistic, arrogant, stubborn me give in. I just sink in the wonderfully delicious thoughts and try to overlook the sadness that come with them. I reminiscence, I dream, and the more I do, the sadder I feel; but I stop fighting it. If it's grief, pain and sadness that comes with it, I'll take it... because sometimes just a moment is enough for a lifetime...I'll cherish mine...