I realized two days back that I have never seen fireworks; at least in real life. I now wonder what it must be like. The deafening sound and the sight; like hundreds of stars have shattered into thousands of tiny pieces. It is these small, probably insignificant experiences that I want now. Not to say that I have had any great, significant experiences in my life. Never climbed a mountain, NO Sir! Never went bungee jumping, are you kidding me? Never jumped off a plane for what they call sky diving though I did dream of it once and it was beautiful. Never went cruising or jet skiing or snorkeling. This makes me seem like such a sorry little creature doesn't it? But I'm not. I have an excuse for every single one of these. Bungee Jumping? Oh I have Vertigo. Sky Diving? I'm afraid of heights. Snorkeling? I won't be able to breathe, in my head at least. Jet Skiing? What if my hands get tired and I'm not able to hold the rope like thing, whatever it is. Cruising? Umm, sea-sickness! Mountains? I'm no climber! See! It's an endless list of excuses and I'm very good at cooking up some.
I have been for para gliding once and went on a banana boat ride which in my world, was heroic. But that is the extent of my adventures and I did pat myself on my back after I accomplished these arduous tasks. Oh and I have also killed a teeny tiny baby gecko once with a wiper and then screamed my lungs out even though it should have been the gecko screaming. I have also had the not so delightful experience of riding a camel and well, umm I recited the first kalma loud and clear for all the onlookers or bystanders, whatever you want to call them, throughout the ride. What!!! I told you I was afraid of heights and in my defense, I was very young and the camel has a very unpleasant manner of attempting to stand and to sit for that matter.
Anyways, back to the experiences that I WANT to have. I want to be able to dance in the rain again, to explore the ruins of the Ottoman Empire, to join the large crowds on foot at one of the most important cities of the world that just one person was able to guess, to feel the adrenaline rush when I finally witness a heritage building being restored to its former glory, to be able to go on a very long drive with someone I can talk to without uttering a single word. I want to be able to finish reading all the books on my very long bucket list; I want to stay up all night gazing at the night sky lit up with the twinkle of the stars. I want to walk down the beach for hours, quietly, and to sit under the shade of a tree and read in peace. I want to travel the world and see it as I have imagined it to be and to admire the architecture of the eras long gone. I want to run like a little girl trying to catch butterflies and feel the tiny fire flies enclosed in my hand. I want to see the rainbow and walk through the clouds. I want to sing the whole day while sitting by the lake in Skurdu as I did two years back. I want to lose myself in colours and music and love. I want to write up a storm and leave lots of stories behind. And yes, I want to die knowing that I have done all of these insignificant little things in life because I wanted to. For I want to live my life!
Monday, 25 March 2013
Friday, 22 March 2013
When it snowed...
She had never seen snow before. She wasn't expecting to see it now. She was already living her dream, being where she was and with whom she was. Growing up, she never once thought of going to a place where it snowed. She liked warmer climates; they were so much more comfortable and she hated the cold anyways. But all of that changed. It's always about who you are doing things for and who you are doing things with. Things you had never wanted to do before, places you never desired to see, dreams you never dared to dream; all of that changes. But here she was, and it was beautiful! Like a fragment of the most beautiful piece of imagination, like a moment that one wishes for to freeze.
Sometimes she wondered why people wasted so much time over-planning special moments. Special moments are scattered all around us; in tender embraces, in silent companionship, in moonlit walks, in gentle whispers. And then sometimes you get this entire sphere of special moments altogether; like that day when she first saw snow. Watching the white flakes fall from the sky was not special; watching the white flakes fall from the sky with him WAS! He dragged her out excitedly to feel the powdery softness of the snowflakes. It was heaven. Tiny white specks on his hair brought out a tenderness and warmth in her that she had never felt before. But she needed a quiet moment, away from him; just a few minutes to absorb all that she was experiencing; the overwhelming feeling of being with him, the butterflies when he wanted to see the look of wonderment on her face, the gratitude, the sadness, the reality. She looked at him and he understood. He let go of her hand and she quietly walked away, her head bent low, hands in her pockets. She went further away from him till she could barely make out his silhouette; drew in her breath and turned around. As she reached closer to where she had been with him, she saw him standing, looking at her, waiting quietly for her to return; as he always did and always will. Her face lit up, she ran to him, losing herself in the warm embrace that said more than he had ever said to her in words. She felt loved, secure, cared for. She always complained that he didn't express what he felt. She didn't need those words anymore. His still being there said everything. They walked in the snow hand in hand, never to let go of each other or that moment again.
This piece of writing is a fragment of the writer's imagination and and is purely fictional. Resemblance to anyone would be purely coincidental.
Sometimes she wondered why people wasted so much time over-planning special moments. Special moments are scattered all around us; in tender embraces, in silent companionship, in moonlit walks, in gentle whispers. And then sometimes you get this entire sphere of special moments altogether; like that day when she first saw snow. Watching the white flakes fall from the sky was not special; watching the white flakes fall from the sky with him WAS! He dragged her out excitedly to feel the powdery softness of the snowflakes. It was heaven. Tiny white specks on his hair brought out a tenderness and warmth in her that she had never felt before. But she needed a quiet moment, away from him; just a few minutes to absorb all that she was experiencing; the overwhelming feeling of being with him, the butterflies when he wanted to see the look of wonderment on her face, the gratitude, the sadness, the reality. She looked at him and he understood. He let go of her hand and she quietly walked away, her head bent low, hands in her pockets. She went further away from him till she could barely make out his silhouette; drew in her breath and turned around. As she reached closer to where she had been with him, she saw him standing, looking at her, waiting quietly for her to return; as he always did and always will. Her face lit up, she ran to him, losing herself in the warm embrace that said more than he had ever said to her in words. She felt loved, secure, cared for. She always complained that he didn't express what he felt. She didn't need those words anymore. His still being there said everything. They walked in the snow hand in hand, never to let go of each other or that moment again.
This piece of writing is a fragment of the writer's imagination and and is purely fictional. Resemblance to anyone would be purely coincidental.
Saturday, 16 March 2013
My Ordinary Life!
I am no ordinary woman; I am even more ordinary than the ordinary woman! While she would like to shop for designer lawns and try out every new, hip restaurant in town; I would spend that same time wrapping a tatty old table's legs in rope and decoupaging it to turn it into a coffee table. I live a somewhat simple life or so I would like to believe, and I'm striving to make it even more simpler. I have seen the highs and lows as we all have, and I know there are many more to come. During the lowest point in my life I am constantly reminded of all the beauty and goodness that I am surrounded with. The plants that I tend to, the brief period in the morning when I water them; the amazing works of writing and art that people prolifically produce and I'm able to enjoy; the feathered visitors that come regularly to take a dip in the little pond out there in the balcony, the special moments with my children, the most amazing line of work that I am in, the wonderful people I'm surrounded with, the talent that inspires me, the steaming cup of tea every morning that Mushtaq the tea boy makes, the silence of the night, my quiet time, the crickets chirping outside, a few beautiful memories, my plant stake windmills whizzing away in the breeze, the delectable flavours that my taste buds are often enticed with, the sound of the bamboo wind chimes, the fragrance of Jasmine, the sight of my office every morning and how it excites me when I'm just a few minutes away; the list is endless.
I spend my mornings watching the sunrise and pampering my plants; my day working on something that gives me more pleasure than any other work could have, and my evenings enjoying the little anecdotes that my children come up with. Nights are another story though. That is my time that I love to spend reading or doodling on my notepad while trying to figure out what I want to work on more, a graphic fact-based fiction piece on parenting or one on a group of patriotic, optimistic, courageous youngsters. So I scribble and I doodle and I write and then doodle some more. Somehow the crude sketches always turn out better in my head than on paper. Then the writing bit - I don't really write much, I type; so I doodle on the notepad, then scribble two lines, then feel overly exhausted by the strenuous task of scribbling those two lines and then just take the easy way out and type away on my laptop that really truly needs a break. If I think about it, I don't do much apart from what I have mentioned above. My modes of entertainment? Cinema, theatre, books, art, friends and a little music. It just makes me realize how limited my world is and how similar all my interests are. I would love to be a more diversified kind of a person but I'm just not. But you know what, I'm satisfied with my ordinary life because I get to do what I truly want and enjoy. So this one is to my ordinary yet content life :)
I spend my mornings watching the sunrise and pampering my plants; my day working on something that gives me more pleasure than any other work could have, and my evenings enjoying the little anecdotes that my children come up with. Nights are another story though. That is my time that I love to spend reading or doodling on my notepad while trying to figure out what I want to work on more, a graphic fact-based fiction piece on parenting or one on a group of patriotic, optimistic, courageous youngsters. So I scribble and I doodle and I write and then doodle some more. Somehow the crude sketches always turn out better in my head than on paper. Then the writing bit - I don't really write much, I type; so I doodle on the notepad, then scribble two lines, then feel overly exhausted by the strenuous task of scribbling those two lines and then just take the easy way out and type away on my laptop that really truly needs a break. If I think about it, I don't do much apart from what I have mentioned above. My modes of entertainment? Cinema, theatre, books, art, friends and a little music. It just makes me realize how limited my world is and how similar all my interests are. I would love to be a more diversified kind of a person but I'm just not. But you know what, I'm satisfied with my ordinary life because I get to do what I truly want and enjoy. So this one is to my ordinary yet content life :)
Tuesday, 29 January 2013
When whispers are unheard...
Words seem so hollow, gestures futile...
Time flies by with no regard for what I might be losing on the way. It wouldn't slow down, wouldn't let me take a breather.
The once familiar faces are somewhat blurred now; the gentle voices fading away. Those who wanted to be part of the days to come, have been ripped away by the merciless hands of ego and foolishness; yet have somehow managed to remain in memories. And the shadows of the ones who were never there haunt me at night and will continue to do so.
Life is playing its crazy, mindless games, showing an occasional ray of light and snatching it away before one can blink. The sweet murmurs that once were, sound like howls of infuriated wind blowing angrily at night. Tenderness in eyes has now been replaced with two gold flecks of hatred cloaked by indifference. It's almost as if they were always strangers; never together.
What does one really want? Is it different for everyone, or is there a similar need inherent inside each one of us? How can we tell when there's a perfect match? How can we tell when we are chasing fast disappearing shadows? Are they ever meant to slow down for us or will they continue their pace? And what about the ones we have left behind? What if there was no justification for that?
Life has become a huge box that is full to its brim with questions. I wonder what all will be lost on the way while I seek the answers to those...
Time flies by with no regard for what I might be losing on the way. It wouldn't slow down, wouldn't let me take a breather.
The once familiar faces are somewhat blurred now; the gentle voices fading away. Those who wanted to be part of the days to come, have been ripped away by the merciless hands of ego and foolishness; yet have somehow managed to remain in memories. And the shadows of the ones who were never there haunt me at night and will continue to do so.
Life is playing its crazy, mindless games, showing an occasional ray of light and snatching it away before one can blink. The sweet murmurs that once were, sound like howls of infuriated wind blowing angrily at night. Tenderness in eyes has now been replaced with two gold flecks of hatred cloaked by indifference. It's almost as if they were always strangers; never together.
What does one really want? Is it different for everyone, or is there a similar need inherent inside each one of us? How can we tell when there's a perfect match? How can we tell when we are chasing fast disappearing shadows? Are they ever meant to slow down for us or will they continue their pace? And what about the ones we have left behind? What if there was no justification for that?
Life has become a huge box that is full to its brim with questions. I wonder what all will be lost on the way while I seek the answers to those...
Saturday, 19 January 2013
A Forlorn Existence
Saturday, January 19! A day that reminded me of potpourri. A potpourri of emotions; one that brings with itself a strange blend of highs and lows. An early start with a feeling of chirpiness, positivity and eagerness; mid morning laced with anticipation; an afternoon entwined with a sense of hopelessness and rejection and the evening...
Yes it was the evening that brought with it what scared me the most.. loneliness! A deep sense of forlorn existence.
Work was not as fun as it usually is. Of course the fact that I started much earlier than usual and finished most of it by mid noon also had something to do with it. Taking half the day off seemed like the best thing to do at that moment. A plan to go to the movies with friends at work didn't materialize so I went off for the next best thing; an hour at the bookstore. But while roaming around the mall after I was done with my humble shopping of two paperbacks, I experienced this feeling of being all alone in the mall, wandering around, not being able to absorb anything around me, the world in my imagination taking over the reality, blurring everything around me. Where had all the people disappeared? It's a Saturday for heaven's sake! The mall is supposed to be crowded. But all I could see was haze; whirling around me, trying to swallow me. I needed to see a familiar face.. I needed to feel the comfort of being watched over. I needed certainty.
I realized that I had consciously chosen this path for with it comes hope. It leads to the world of happiness, sunny days and laughter. It brings with it serenity and peace. It's just the road leading to it that is long, dusty and lonely. The destination may be very far but with patience and conviction, I can reach it, and I WILL! And once I'm there, there will be raindrops and rainbows, all waiting for me with open, welcoming arms and ready to magically erase the forlorn existence.
Yes it was the evening that brought with it what scared me the most.. loneliness! A deep sense of forlorn existence.
Work was not as fun as it usually is. Of course the fact that I started much earlier than usual and finished most of it by mid noon also had something to do with it. Taking half the day off seemed like the best thing to do at that moment. A plan to go to the movies with friends at work didn't materialize so I went off for the next best thing; an hour at the bookstore. But while roaming around the mall after I was done with my humble shopping of two paperbacks, I experienced this feeling of being all alone in the mall, wandering around, not being able to absorb anything around me, the world in my imagination taking over the reality, blurring everything around me. Where had all the people disappeared? It's a Saturday for heaven's sake! The mall is supposed to be crowded. But all I could see was haze; whirling around me, trying to swallow me. I needed to see a familiar face.. I needed to feel the comfort of being watched over. I needed certainty.
I realized that I had consciously chosen this path for with it comes hope. It leads to the world of happiness, sunny days and laughter. It brings with it serenity and peace. It's just the road leading to it that is long, dusty and lonely. The destination may be very far but with patience and conviction, I can reach it, and I WILL! And once I'm there, there will be raindrops and rainbows, all waiting for me with open, welcoming arms and ready to magically erase the forlorn existence.
Thursday, 6 December 2012
Frangipani!
I remember the little girl collecting the scattered blossoms of frangipani one quiet afternoon. For some odd reason her love for the fragrant creamy flowers grew with time. Little did she know that one day the very word 'frangipani' would engulf her entire existence.
The story began like any other but ended like she had never imagined possible. And the end..the end was the beginning of a new chapter..on the surface, exciting, satisfying, with a lot of hope and love and laughter but at one cost; the soul had to be mercilessly drowned in a sea of tears, sorrow and regret; and hearts had to be treaded upon, not just her own, but of the one she had never imagined hurting.
Frangipani! Frangipani! Frangipani!
To her it meant I miss you more than ever!
To him it meant nothing till one day he discovered that she was no more.
Time does not wait for anyone but people should. They should wait for those who mean something to them; they should wait for unsaid words to be whispered softly in their ears; promises that were never made, to be fulfilled; loving embraces that will melt their hearts one day; tears of happiness to be merged with their own; moments of love to fill up their lives.
Why couldn't she wait then?
She had been travelling alone for hundreds of years in a land where the sun never shone. Till one day she ended at the mouth of a tunnel. She was tired, lonely and losing hope. There seemed to be no other choice but to enter the tunnel. It could lead anywhere; there could be light at the end of the tunnel or perhaps she would reach just another dead end. She didn't hesitate. There might be something worth all this time. And there was! The light! She wanted to catch it and ran after it like a little child running after a butterfly. She wanted it like she had never wanted anything before. But the more she tried to capture it with both hands, the further it seemed to be getting from her. She didn't give up hope and ran after it like the wind, not caring about her bleeding feet, just following her wildly pounding heart; till she could almost feel the comforting warmth. She was inches away! Just inches away...But the sound of music distracted her. She turned her head for a moment..The music was soothing, comforting, calling her name..
She jolted back to realize it's light she has been seeking for hundreds of years. She can't let go of it. She had spent a lifetime searching for this light. She had followed her heart and come so close to it. She couldn't let the sound of music take that away from her. She turned back, longing for that light to fill up her life. But....
She silently turned away from where she had once chased light and moved sadly towards the enchanting music. Tears rolling down her cheeks, she let the enchantment embrace her. She couldn't go on any more. All colour drained from her face as she pulled out a mask and put it on. Yes..this would hide the pain; this would conceal the remorse..
Slowly she drifted even further away from the fast disappearing glow...Her lips curved into a smile, a grateful smile for the soothing sound had rescued her from the dark, never-ending road; but her heart bled.. She was so close yet...
The story began like any other but ended like she had never imagined possible. And the end..the end was the beginning of a new chapter..on the surface, exciting, satisfying, with a lot of hope and love and laughter but at one cost; the soul had to be mercilessly drowned in a sea of tears, sorrow and regret; and hearts had to be treaded upon, not just her own, but of the one she had never imagined hurting.
Frangipani! Frangipani! Frangipani!
To her it meant I miss you more than ever!
To him it meant nothing till one day he discovered that she was no more.
Time does not wait for anyone but people should. They should wait for those who mean something to them; they should wait for unsaid words to be whispered softly in their ears; promises that were never made, to be fulfilled; loving embraces that will melt their hearts one day; tears of happiness to be merged with their own; moments of love to fill up their lives.
Why couldn't she wait then?
She had been travelling alone for hundreds of years in a land where the sun never shone. Till one day she ended at the mouth of a tunnel. She was tired, lonely and losing hope. There seemed to be no other choice but to enter the tunnel. It could lead anywhere; there could be light at the end of the tunnel or perhaps she would reach just another dead end. She didn't hesitate. There might be something worth all this time. And there was! The light! She wanted to catch it and ran after it like a little child running after a butterfly. She wanted it like she had never wanted anything before. But the more she tried to capture it with both hands, the further it seemed to be getting from her. She didn't give up hope and ran after it like the wind, not caring about her bleeding feet, just following her wildly pounding heart; till she could almost feel the comforting warmth. She was inches away! Just inches away...But the sound of music distracted her. She turned her head for a moment..The music was soothing, comforting, calling her name..
She jolted back to realize it's light she has been seeking for hundreds of years. She can't let go of it. She had spent a lifetime searching for this light. She had followed her heart and come so close to it. She couldn't let the sound of music take that away from her. She turned back, longing for that light to fill up her life. But....
She silently turned away from where she had once chased light and moved sadly towards the enchanting music. Tears rolling down her cheeks, she let the enchantment embrace her. She couldn't go on any more. All colour drained from her face as she pulled out a mask and put it on. Yes..this would hide the pain; this would conceal the remorse..
Slowly she drifted even further away from the fast disappearing glow...Her lips curved into a smile, a grateful smile for the soothing sound had rescued her from the dark, never-ending road; but her heart bled.. She was so close yet...
Monday, 22 October 2012
A very 'normal' family, or NOT!
As a family, we never claimed to be normal. We do things unconventionally; where my teenage daughter and I share clothes which is fun for me and used to be fun for her initially. Now, not so much fun for her.. I still enjoy it though. We do crazy stuff together, play Dance Central 2 on X-Box Kinect, practice music together, stay up the whole night and talk. My son and I have other activities where we have our heart-to-heart sessions. He likes to watch me cook and be my little helper in the kitchen for he dreams of becoming chef extraordinaire.
We defy all rules and laws and refuse to sit properly. We are often found perched on a table or hunched over a puzzle on the floor. Our favourite spot however, is the stairs. For some odd reason we like to sit on the stairs and talk. Since this is my blog and not only can I write whatever I want, I can also be as random as I wish, for I am the Queen here (add haughtiness to my tone here); I choose to write about crazy stuff we do. Here are just a few glimpses of our family being 'normal', or NOT. Apologies for the poor lighting..
We defy all rules and laws and refuse to sit properly. We are often found perched on a table or hunched over a puzzle on the floor. Our favourite spot however, is the stairs. For some odd reason we like to sit on the stairs and talk. Since this is my blog and not only can I write whatever I want, I can also be as random as I wish, for I am the Queen here (add haughtiness to my tone here); I choose to write about crazy stuff we do. Here are just a few glimpses of our family being 'normal', or NOT. Apologies for the poor lighting..
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| His favourite reading spot at his grandmother's. She does have couches and chairs; we just choose to read on the stairs :) |
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| My little musician loves to entertain me in the kitchen; again, refusing to sit on a chair. Who wants to sit on a chair when we have good ol' floor |
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| And yes, we multitask big time. Reading the children's section of the newspaper cannot wait, neither can playing with the remote control car. And people, floor again! I'm still trying to understand why he's sitting on the paper while reading it |
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| Our bedtime ritual |
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| The nephew joins in the craziness. Who wants to walk on the ground when you can hop in a bucket! |
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| Ummm the cat also joins in the craziness :) |
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| When this happens.... |
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| ....this happens ;) |
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| We offered to buy him a bike, a scooter, a car, a horse, a donkey, a camel, even an ostrich to ride; but my son...why go for the conventional.. Yes, that's my family! |
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